I want to be with my hot young lover but it'll kill my wife if I leave her

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM enjoying a brilliant sex life with a younger woman but how do I leave my wife when we have been married for almost 30 years?

She is 48 and I am 52 but very young for my age. I have a positive outlook and want to enjoy life.

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Now our son and daughter have grown up and left home, I want to go on holidays and have weekends away, but my wife is the complete opposite to me. She is a real homebody.

She loves me more than she loves herself. I am her life and she is happy just looking after me but as lovely as that is, it isn’t enough. I am restless.

I have met this much younger woman who would give me the life I desire.

She’s 32 and a single mum to a 16-year-old boy.

She’s never married and doesn’t want to. She was with her son’s father for eight years and they have been apart ever since.

We have a passionate sex life and have said we love one another but she wants me to be single before she will commit to me. I want that too but how do I leave my wife?

If my new friend drove up outside my house and said, “You’re coming home with me,” I would be gone like a shot, but it would kill my wife.

I think my wife is suspicious because I’ve started making excuses to go out more often.

She says she’s happy as long as I’m happy but I know she worries where I am and what I’m doing.

She has no friends she could socialise with, which does bother me if I were to leave her.

She would be lonely and I know I’d end up feeling guilty. On the other hand, I feel I should grab this chance of happiness.

My wife and I have been married for decades and if I leave her it will destroy her, but life is short and I want to make the most of the rest of mine.


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DEIDRE SAYS: I understand how stuck you feel now but I bet you relished those 25 to 30 years when your wife devoted herself to looking after you and your children and asked for little more.

The trouble is, she didn’t nourish herself and now to you seems dull and limited. She does deserve that you at least give her a chance to fight off this threat to her life and happiness.

Tell your wife that your marriage is on the line and you both need to take a fresh look at your life together.

Talk with a couples counsellor together – see relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.

Tell your lover that you respect her demand that you are single before she’ll commit, and that you need to take a step back and stop seeing her while you sort out your marriage one way or the other.

And, of course, cheating risks spreading coronavirus.

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