DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with an ex for old times’ sake but I was cheating on the most wonderful woman in the world.
I ruined my life because now she can never forgive me.
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I was at a sales conference which is normally fun, but I was feeling rubbish because I’d just heard that another guy had got the team leader job I’d applied for.
I dragged myself through the day but then ran into an ex from my teens who worked for a company involved in packaging, like my firm. She was thrilled to see me and suggested we got a drink for a catch-up.
One drink turned into too many. We were both staying over and both knew what would happen when she invited me back to her room.
We had sex and agreed in the morning that we didn’t want to disrupt each other’s lives.
She had a boyfriend and I’d then been with my fiancée for four years.
I felt very guilty and that should have been that, but my ex got in touch three months later to say she was pregnant and she knew it was mine as she hadn’t been having sex with her boyfriend and he had now left her.
She had a baby boy and he looks the spitting image of me as a kid.
She made no demands of me and said I could walk away but I secretly paid her child maintenance. He’s four now.
Topic 4 Today
ALMOST everyone has sexual fantasies but men generally want to act out theirs while women more often use their imagination to rev up their responses.
That can cause conflict in relationships but my Sex Fantasies e-leaflet can help.
Email me at the address above for your copy or private-message me via my Dear Deidre Facebook page.
One day a couple of years ago my fiancée checked my bank account to make sure a payment for our holiday had gone through and saw the regular monthly payment.
She confronted me and I realised it was time to be honest, though I knew how it would end.
I was right. She didn’t shout, just packed her bags. I’ve not seen her properly since, though I love her as much as ever.
She is my soulmate and I have never, and will never, love anyone else as much as I love her. I can’t believe I betrayed her.
I should be happy now, as I have met someone else — a lovely woman who got pregnant after we’d been together for just three months.
She has now had my baby, another boy, and wants to marry me, but I can’t let go of the woman I really love.
DEIDRE SAYS: I worry you are mourning the woman you see as your soulmate while a little boy and a baby need a dad who is fully present and shows how much he loves them.
Do you have a fear of commitment under all this drama? You were with your fiancée six years as far as I can work out, yet you never married. Maybe that contributed to her decision to go.
Now you could be enjoying your new family but you’re distracting yourself fretting over what you lost instead of the possible riches you have.
Maybe write your ex a farewell letter saying how sad you are, which you don’t send but burn or tear up.
If you stay stuck, see a counsellor to help you understand what’s keeping you stuck.
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