Male sexuality has often been the subject of stereotyping.
Masturbation is seen as a means to an end, a release that men are apparently hard-wired to constantly need (lest they get the dreaded – and fake – blue balls).
That, or it’s the butt of the joke in films like American Pie or There’s Something About Mary.
Whereas a woman’s desire is judged and treated with contempt, a man’s is simplified and trivialised – and both of these tropes can be equally harmful.
In reality, every person has different preferences, and men deserve to tap into the sensual and romantic side of sex, too.
Physical issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation play a part in sexual issues, and day-to-day worries and pressure to perform can also affect things.
That’s why fulfilling solo sex is so important, as it allows you to explore what makes you tick without any anxiety over another person’s pleasure.
To take your masturbation sessions from routine to revelatory, and allow you to tap into a well of mind-blowing orgasms, we asked Tracey Coates, Sexual Wellness Expert at Ricky.com, for her tips.
If you’re a man, and you want to level up your jerking off, here’s how.
Experiment with different lubes
One of the easiest ways to change the sensation when masturbating is to use lube or lotion.
You’ll get a smoother glide, and it’s a closer feeling to penetrative sex than a bare hand.
Tracey tells Metro.co.uk: ‘A small amount of lube drizzled onto the penis will instantly enhance stimulation.
‘It’s a completely different sensation to going dry, and the good news is, there’s a wide variety of lubricants to experiment with – each bringing a unique feeling.’
Water-based lubes are the most popular type available, as they’re safe for use with sex toys and condoms, but if you’re flying solo, Tracey says: ‘Silicone lubricant is much thicker in property to water-based lubes. It’ll feel silkier and will provide a “fuller feeling” masturbation experience.’
She recommends Boners Masturbation Cream (‘its thicker formula won’t dry up as quickly as its water-based competitors, so you’ll be able to enjoy a longer, more sensual tug’) and vegan-friendly Silky Stuff, as well as MixGliss cinnamon and mint flavours for an extra tingle.
Pick the right moment
No, we don’t mean waiting for the perfect moment while your parents are out to have a go on some baked goods. This is more about reducing stress to create the right environment for orgasms galore.
‘You’ll perform at your best when you’re feeling calm, relaxed, and happy,’ says Tracey.
She continues: ‘The act of masturbating floods the body with a ton of feel-good endorphins.
‘If you dive in after an intense argument or upon hearing some bad news, your self-pleasure is going to feel good, but it’s certainly not going to be as effective if you were in the right headspace.
‘Stress hormones will interfere with your orgasm and either severely delay it or bring it about too soon. They’ll counteract your brain’s deployment of endorphins and dull the sensation of your orgasm.’
This also can have the opposite effect of an outlet for negative emotions, causing you to associate sex with something that made you feel bad.
Give yourself the gift of self-seduction, whether that’s running a bath or putting on your favourite music – just like you’d do for someone else to get them in a sexy mindset.
Don’t be afraid of toys
Although masturbating itself is rarely taboo among men, toys can still be a no-go in conversations.
Far from just custom sex dolls and replicas of porn actors’ vaginas, however, the industry has more to offer men than ever before.
Tracey says: ‘There are so many products out there designed for men and most are inclusive for all users, whether that be a male masturbator or a cock ring.
‘The differences in intensity and textures will help to enhance stimulation during masturbation, boosting the chances of orgasm.’
Most sex toy retailers sell online these days and offer discreet packaging, so you can avoid any embarrassment around going to a physical shop to buy.
Reduce your frequency
You don’t need to ‘save yourself’ or be chaste, but there is too much of a good thing – touching yourself included.
‘It might sound obvious but tugging the penis too frequently will reduce its sensitivity,’ says Tracey, ‘and masturbation won’t satisfy you to the same degree as before.’
Particularly if you’re using a lot of pressure, you may start to require this to orgasm and struggle to get there through oral or penetration.
Tracy explains: ‘If you’re worried that you’re experiencing a reduced sensation from masturbating or that it’s taking much longer than expected to climax, we recommend slowing things down.
‘Try taking a break from solo sex for four or five days to give your body a chance to reset. Alternatively, you could try reducing the frequency of your sessions. If you were doing it three times a day, why not try limiting it to once a day?
‘Any shake up to a routine will hopefully bring a positive change to your libido and a boost to your endorphins.’
Be good to yourself
When we’re in a rut in an area of our life, it’s natural we focus on trying to fix this.
But Tracey’s advice is to consider the actual act of sex as just one element, giving your whole self holistic attention and care. This, she says, can have a big impact on what goes on in the bedroom.
She says: ‘Psychology has been linked to problems with orgasms – for example, feelings of anxiety and stress can hinder the chances of achieving orgasm if one’s mind is elsewhere and not focused on the moment.
‘To combat this, we’d suggest making small lifestyle changes like engaging in regular exercise or trying out mindfulness exercises as well, which will all help to boost the fulfilment from masturbation over time.’
Tracey says: ‘Some males have actually been found to have a fear of losing control when it comes to achieving orgasm, which can certainly impact the amount of pleasure they get from masturbation.’
Nothing kills the mood like overthinking, yet ironically, concentrating on the mood itself can also make things wither under the lights.
‘Tapping into the idea of focusing on the moment will certainly help with this,’ adds Tracey, ‘along with exploring what sexually stimulates them – or even by finding alternative routes to arousal.’
Try not to make orgasm a priority when you engage in self-love, simply feeling the sensations and enjoying them for what they are.
And remember, the beauty of pleasuring yourself is that you’re not being watched or judged – and you have full permission to let go and follow wherever your desires take you.
Change your routine
Despite you (hopefully) doing your best to please partners, when was the last time you added a little spice to your alone time?
Porn and a quick hand shandy might work, but if that’s all you do you may have got yourself into a masturbatory Groundhog Day situation.
The key to a healthy sex life is variety, so take a look at your usual routine and switch it up once in a while.
That may mean going for erotic literature or audiobooks instead of the hardcore stuff, or teasing other erogenous zones like the nipples or neck rather than straight to the genitals.
Edging – when you bring yourself to the precipice of climax before stopping – can also be a great way to inject some excitement into proceedings. Delay the orgasm as much as you can, so when you do get there it’s more intense than ever.
Overall, try to have some fun with it and get to know your desires.
If you’re currently deflated by the prospect of night in with just your palm for company, wait until you’ve mastered the art of self pleasure.
You’ll be struggling to keep your hands – and toys – off yourself as soon as you walk through the door.
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