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As she prepares for her fourth wedding, Kerry Katona has joked that she must have an addiction to getting wed. and admitted to almost feeling embarrassed about being a bride so many times.
But the outspoken star has exclusively told new! that her marriage to personal trainer Ryan Mahoney will be her last. And while she sees him as the person she's been waiting for, Kerry has lashed out at the husbands who came before, and the ways in which those relationships affected her, claiming: "They all took stuff from me."
Speaking ahead of her appearance on Say Yes To The Dress – in which Gok Wan helps her choose a frock for her fourth wedding – Kerry continued: "A lot of it has been a control thing with the men in my life. Brian [McFadden] proposed after three weeks, I think Mark [Croft] was five weeks and with George [Kay] it was eight weeks. But there were different levels of control."
"Brian’s a typical Irish Catholic man who wants a woman to stay at home, Mark was all about the money and George was so desperate to be famous," she added. "I’ve always given power to my partner to make them feel significant enough to be on my level because of who I am.
"They all took stuff from me. It’s different with Ryan. It took him two-and-a-half f*****g years to propose, for a start! This feels like a partnership."
And while she may be loved up, Kerry admits she feels scarred by her failed relationships.
She said: "I’ve been married three times and had all these failures. I can’t believe I’m here again. I think I’ve got an addiction! I almost feel embarrassed being here.
"And I’m scared – I don’t want another failed relationship. I’ve made so many mistakes. For so many years I was bitter and angry but you have to move on and let go."
And the star, who has been open about her battles with addiction, reckons that the pain she's been through because of her past loves has made her the stronger person she is today.
"I’m different this time around,": Kerry said. "I think I had to go through what I went through with my exes but I am scarred. I had to learn to love myself before I would let anybody else love me. I was constantly doing the same thing over and over again – getting married, having babies, getting married, having babies – because that was a part of my childhood dream that I was chasing."
Now she's looking forward to a wedding in Vegas – and despite the location, she insists it's going to be low key affair, without crowds of friends and fellow celebrities.
"I felt embarrassed and that I don’t deserve to enjoy this process because it’s my fourth time," she said. "As much as I want to marry Ryan, for me it’s post-traumatic stress, if I’m honest. Getting divorced is one of the most horrific things in the world.
"My first just crippled me. It was so public and so humiliating, I turned to drugs."
Though the ceremony itself won't be a glitzy affair, Kerry did agree to let everybody's favourite style guru Gok help her find a dress, and the duo filmed the process for Say Yes To The Dress.
"As the day went on, I started to relax. I think if I hadn’t done this show, I wouldn’t be as excited as I am to be getting married," Kerry said.
With three weddings behind her, maybe it's not surprising that Kerry isn't superstitious and has even let groom Ryan see the spectacular dress that Kerry will be wearing on their big day.
"He’s seen it. I don’t believe in all that bad luck," she told us. "When I married Brian, we had a special blessing from the actual Pope on the day – a load of bloody good that did! So me showing Ryan my dress, I don’t think it really matters. He loves the dress and so do I."
Say Yes To The Dress Lancashire airs on Friday at 8pm on TLC and Discovery+. Read Kerry's full interview here.
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