MODEL Miranda Kerr recently said of ex Orlando Bloom’s new fiancée Katy Perry: 'We hang out . . . I really love and appreciate Katy.'
And Katy calls Miranda 'my gal'. Here, two writers debate on whether you can ever be friends with your partner's ex-love.
YES: Says Katie Glass
"GOOD on Katy Perry for showing she’s not only the queen of candy floss pop but also a cool, evolved woman. It’s such nonsense the idea women can’t be friends with their partner’s ex-girlfriends.
"It’s a cliche based on the other lie that women hate other women. I suspect both were fibs invented by men to keep us apart because we are so much stronger together.
"The most interesting (and savvy) women I know are close with their partner’s ex. Why wouldn’t they be given all the advantages? Of course when you start seeing someone it’s normal to worry about who they were dating before you.
"My previous partner’s ex was younger and hotter than me. She was funny, worked as a flying doctor and could drink men under the table. She was the kind of person Angelina Jolie would play in a film so, naturally, at first I was jealous.
"I worried about whether my boyfriend had loved her more, if she’d been better in bed or if they’d had a closer relationship. One night I stopped worrying and went out drinking with her instead and realised the fact she was so damn cool didn’t make her my enemy but someone I wanted as my friend.
I was so fond of her we stayed friends — even after the boyfriend and I broke up.
"Credit your partner with any taste at all and it makes sense you’d get on with their ex. You probably have a lot in common. People have a type, not just in looks but in other qualities, so I know my partner’s exes will be other outspoken women. Why care who your boyfriend used to sleep with now it’s you he’s dating?
'We woke up together in my 'bed'
"As the meme goes: You’re in his DMs, I’m in his bed. You may as well make peace with your partner’s exes because you always end up bumping into them – usually while you’re out looking awful, hungover in the supermarket buying Veet.
"Much better that you should get in there first and ask them out for a drink. I loved getting to know my partner’s ex. We went on group holidays, chatted on WhatsApp and had messy nights out – once getting so hammered we woke up together in my bed. (Nothing happened!)
"Katy and Miranda are so close they have holidays and Christmas together. I found my partner’s ex a useful sounding board and a good source of information about how to get on the right side of his mum and what he’d like for Christmas.
"When I was with my boyfriend, I joked it was good to be friends with his ex because you should keep your enemies close. But in the end, I was so fond of her we stayed friends — even after the boyfriend and I broke up."
NO: Says Samantha Brick
"WHEN I think about my closest friends, every one of them is in my social circle because we’ve known each other for decades.
"I’ve got their back and vice versa. Quite honestly, I’d trust them with my life. Hand on heart, would I want to introduce my husband Pascal’s ex into my friendship group? No, I would not.
"Whether we’re talking about my current husband or any ex-partner, the fact remains the same. I don’t want to be besties with a woman who has shared the same bed as my man.
"Before I go further, this has nothing to do with me being insecure. And it doesn’t mean I don’t trust my other half around his ex. In my world, those icky ties from the past simply do not deserve a place in my present.
"Why do I use a word like “icky”? The thing is, relationship endings are always messy and there will be a perfectly good reason for a split. It could be that your partner and his ex were incompatible, or maybe one was unfaithful.
"Chances are there will always be the person who did the dumping. Then there is the poor dumpee who never quite got over the split or who still has unfinished business. In a perfect world these feelings wouldn’t exist.
She knows what turns him on just as well as I do. Why would you want to be around someone who knows your ex’s body as intimately as you do?
"But we don’t. We live in a wonderful but at times very messy world. As for my current circumstances, it would have been weird to extend a hand of friendship to my hubby’s ex-partner.
"I’m younger than her. I’ve taken her place in the wider family. I changed up everything about her former home. You’d have to have big bloody shoulders to accept that from another woman.
'It is bound to end in tears'
"Plus I have stepped into her shoes. Why would she want to be reminded of that? Then there is the flipside. Do I want to see her pass the time with my other half? No, thank you.
"They have years of shared memories together. She knows what turns him on just as well as I do. Why would you want to be around someone who knows your ex’s body as intimately as you do?
"We have all had those “what if?” moments about the one that got away. You see your ex with new eyes once he has been repackaged by his new partner. There is a reason the term “old flame” looms large in most relationship guides.
"The green-eyed monster is bound to pay a visit and who wants to have that in their psyche? That’s why becoming besties with my hubby’s ex was always a non-starter.
"It is unhealthy for a grown adult to be continually reminded of a past love. And it is confusing for any kids involved, too. It’s fine when you’re bosom buddies but what happens when you have a row and fall out? How does that work for both families?
"It’s to be expected to be civil with your ex’s partner. But being best buddies? It isn’t just bizarre, it is bound to end in tears."
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